I sat in mass tonight listening to a Gospel reading about forgiveness. “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?’/ Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times’” (Matthew 18: 21-22) I found this difficult because I was faced with a situation over the weekend that I found very hard to forgive. I struggled with how I could ever forgive this person for their display of disrespect, ignorance, and just plain meanness. I’m still not sure how to go about it, so I wrote it out… maybe this person will read it, maybe not.
I can’t let your display of disrespect the other night be okay. I don’t care that you smoke, I don’t care about the reasons why you smoke, I don’t care when you smoke, and I don’t care where you smoke, as long as its not near me. What I do care though, is the way in which you show your respect for those around you. I don’t care if they are a stranger or a friend, you have no right to blow smoke in anyone’s face, especially when they have just asked you to politely step away from the house because there are people around you who can’t be around smoke. I am overwhelmed by your display of pure ignorance. I don’t know if you realized, but the reason my friend asked you to step away from our house last night with your cigarette was because I personally asked her to say something. I have cystic fibrosis. Its a chronic, incurable lung condition that I was born with where my lungs don’t function properly and build up mucus. My lungs are infected with bacteria, scarred from damage due to that bacteria, and fail to function at 100%. For that reason, I have been in the hospital about a dozen or more times in my life. Luckily, right now, I’m relatively healthy despite my life-long diagnosis. I am positive and I do everything I can to keep the bacteria and mucus at bay… but my life expectancy is still mid-30s and I still suffer with a cough, trouble breathing, and the need to take about 10-15 medications a day and to do a half hour of therapy daily in order to remain healthy. 

The thing about that smoke coming out of your cigarette is that when it goes into MY already scarred and damaged lungs… it doesn’t come out as it gets trapped in the mucus. That smoke sits poisoning my lungs, so when you light up right next to me sitting on the patio of my own house, I can hardly breathe. When you carelessly blow it into my asthmatic friend’s face and into our patio area when she asks you politely to step back from our house, refusing to respect anyone but yourself, I have to hold my breath. Yesterday, I had to do an extra half hour of therapy to try to get the smoke out of my lungs. Today, I still have a hacking cough. (Thank you for personally setting me back in my treatment.) Naturally, knowing my situation, your disrespect was not taken lightly by my friends, and naturally, we all got pretty angry and said some pretty harsh words (which were not to blame given the anger you caused), and I’d say the majority of us are pretty level headed until someone disrespects a friend, especially a friend who is dealing with a situation that you cannot even comprehend. I rarely lose my temper, and the fact that you caused me to lose control and scream and curse and feel overwhelmed with rage is saying something. Maybe you never took the time to understand the reasons behind our anger, but that shouldn’t have mattered. You will never know someone’s situation, and despite that fact, you should NEVER disrespect any one, Lord knows our campus as a whole gave you nothing but respect when you were welcomed back on this campus after your unfortunate situation… and I didn’t even know you. I will never understand what it felt like for you, but I respected you and welcomed you, I defended you, I felt something for you….and I didn’t even know you. Unfortunately, to be honest, I’m not sure I can say I forgive you yet, that will come with time though. For the moment, I’m having trouble just letting something like this go without you understanding how much you hurt me. That being said, I hope that God is able to guide you into a light where you can show the love for a campus who still loved you when your life was exploited. Regardless of anything, I prayed for you tonight, Kevin. 
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