Sometimes you just have to do what’s best for your health, no matter how inconvenient it may seem. It has been 3 years and 5 months since I’ve needed a clean-out, but tomorrow, that streak will end. The past few days I’ve had fevers, I’ve been coughing tons, and I have generally been feeling like crap. I couldn’t help but think, ugh, what bad timing! After nights over the weekend waking up coughing, and having dreams of me saying “It is time,” I finally surrendered to the clean-out; meaning I’ll temporarily move out of school to my house, get a PICC line (an IV that runs from your arm all the way up to your heart), and start the road to recovery. And I couldn’t be more satisfied with the decision my doctor and I made. I’m ready to start feeling better in time for Senior events, graduation, and our family’s trip to California.
It’s weird, considering how long its been since I’ve even had a PICC line in my arm. The last time I was a freshman, now I’m a senior, so I guess I’ve come full circle. But as I’ve gradually been letting people know, I’ve heard lots of “sorry’s,” which is of course to be expected. I would say the same thing! But I am not sorry, I am so grateful that the technology is available to make me feel better when I feel like this, especially being able to stay home while I do it. I am eager to get my PICC tomorrow because I’d rather be hooked up to a machine than feel like this. I’m optimistic, it’s only 2 (or 3) weeks of my life and maybe this will mean another 3.5 years of good health. As I’ve been saying, this is just something you have to do when you have CF. Yes, its exhausting and it requires a lot of sacrifice, and I’m not jumping for joy at missing 2 weeks of my senior year, but the good health is so worth it. Not to mention, with how busy and stressful this year has been, I need a couple weeks to just focus on my health, get some good rest, and be somewhat stress free.
I almost forgot what it was like to feel so sick. Sometimes CF chooses to sneak out of no where and give me a good reminder that I’m not invincible. And of course, that’s what absolutely sucks about this disease. And not that I completely blame myself for getting sick, but I don’t think its a coincidence that this bout of sickness comes after a cold winter that gave me plenty of excuses to not run as frequently as I usually do. This time, my lungs weren’t strong enough to fight off infection, which just goes to show that you can’t take vacations from exercise! I will never blame myself for getting sick though, because sometimes CF is difficult to control. Sometimes you can’t escape it, and this bout of sickness is a big reminder of that!
But I truly believe that everything happens for a reason, and if my body is telling me I need to rest, then it’s time to rest, no matter the reason for it. I am looking on the bright side, looking forward to a little more free time to read, to write, to relax, and to have time by myself during the day and to spend some time with my family and my dog as well. It’s all about your attitude, and if I view this as the end of the world, then that’s what its going to be. But if I view it as a walk in the park, then the sun will shine and it will just be another hill to get over.
