Yesterday, I went home to watch 65 Red Roses at my house. First of all, I want to say that it was very well done cinematically. The music, effects, and story line were awesome. I was very impressed and thought they did a good job not glossing over anything and telling the story like it is. After the movie was over I felt a slew of emotions, as this put into perspective what life in the future may be like for me.
I felt Afraid: The strongest emotion I felt during this documentary was fear. As I watched Eva coughing uncontrollably, gasping for breath, I couldn’t help but think about times that I have felt that way. How helpless it is to not be able to stop, how annoying it is when a cough attack comes on, how exhausting it is to be over-taken by fever and for your body to be rattled and rocked with each cough. But then, I thought, those times of immense coughing were just bouts I got over with some antibiotics. I became afraid for what life might be like if I reached a point where antibiotics can’t magically make my lungs better… that only a transplant can. And then I got afraid knowing that if I ever got to that point, that a transplant might not even be in the cards for me because of my cepacia. I try not to think too far ahead in the future, but this documentary forced me to be realistic about what might be in store. Eva said something that was very true at one point in the documentary. She said something along the lines of you have to let yourself be afraid, you have to let yourself cry. That is something that I firmly believe, because if you don’t acknowledge the fear and the worry, it will eat you alive.
I felt Blessed: One of the most important lessons I took away from this documentary was how very important a strong support system is. I felt so lucky to have the people that I do in my life. I know were anything to happen to me, they would have my back. I also felt blessed at the health I have currently, something I try so very hard not to take for granted. Life with cystic fibrosis is uncertain, being healthy at one point does not guarantee anything. Seeing how difficult Eva’s life was during the transplant process was an eye-opener. It made me appreciate what I have now, and made me want to fight harder for those people who are going through what she went through, and for those people who might reach that point if scientific discoveries are not made. If you are reading this, and your story is similar to Eva’s, you have my support, love, and admiration of strength. For all people with CF, I’m not going to stop fundraising and blogging to raise awareness about what it means to have CF and how we can slow its progression. Because each and everyone of us is worth it.
I felt Inspired: Eva’s life was beautiful. She was so strong and so inspirational. After seeing her story played out on the screen, it inspired me to keep pushing, for people like Eva who were a victim to the horrors of cystic fibrosis. Because I still have the energy and stamina to run road races to raise money for cf, I will do it. No one deserves to go through what she had to go through. I firmly believe that someday, there will be something that will change the course of cf. But until then, I am inspired to do all that I can to fend off cf’s many attacks through exercise, compliance, and a positive attitude. Eva was very adamant about making sure her friend was staying compliant… even at her worse Eva still cared. Even if cystic fibrosis still sneaks by with compliance… I don’t think thats a reason not to be. And most people know I’m a strong proponent of exercise… from my experience, it can only help you if you do it right and if you do it only to the extent that you can handle. I felt inspired to keep pushing and to show others that there are positive changes that can be made with some success (even if for some, that success is only minimal).
My goals after the documentary:
1) Kick up my training for the falmouth road race. I want to be in tip top shape by running/working out more frequently than 3 times a week.
2) Double the requirement for fundraising and raise $2000 for CFF.
3) Count my blessings every day. Though I am thankful for what I have, some days, I forget how lucky I am. I want to make it a daily goal to take some time to reflect on the things I have in my life rather than dwelling on what I don’t.
