The past month I have been plagued with the question “What are you doing after graduation?” And frankly I’m sick of it. I’m the type, given the nature of CF, that I absolutely LOATHE thinking about the future, even if its only a few months away. The opportunities are endless, there is far too much to consider, so answering that question right now has been a little difficult. I wish I could wear a button that says “I DON’T KNOW SO DON’T ASK!”
The past month has been filled with applying for jobs, for post grad service, and when I’m not applying for jobs, trying to finish up the work I have left here to do at school. Each night I go to bed, each time I go for a run (which, honestly hasn’t been often given how busy I’ve been), I weigh all of my options. Do I want to stay in the area? Do I want to live at home? In Boston? Do I want to do a year of service? How will I stand being away from my friends? How the hell am I going to pay all of my loans? Its a scary time, but its also an exciting one. Having all of these options is really cool, and I am blessed that there are so many paths that I can take. But that being said, I’m terrified of taking the jump and finally figuring out what I will be doing next year. It all seems so final, even though I know I can change directions at any time… just knowing where the first direction will be makes me so nervous!
Why? I think I’m afraid of the transition between this amazing place, Stonehill College, and the real world. Do I feel prepared? Absolutely. Do I know what I want to do? Sort of. Do I want to leave this place? Not at all. I will be dragged out kicking and screaming after graduation and I’m sure there will be many tears at Cape Week (the week before graduation). I think thats what makes it so hard. Once I finally figure out what I’m doing, that means I’m free to go, that after graduation, I’m officially a part of the real world. *Deep Breath*
Stonehill has shaped me into the person I am today. It has given me the greatest friends a girl could ask for, this is the place where I fell in love with Kyle, where I’ve become passionate about everything from healthcare to social justice, this is the place I accidentally call home when I’m leaving from my real home, this is the place I’ve been my healthiest, my happiest, this is where I’ve grown into a true adult. Of course I don’t want to leave! So when I get asked that question, “What are you doing after Graduation,” I have to admit myself that come May 19th, I am leaving.
Within a month, I’ll hopefully have it all figured out, and I will hesitantly come to terms with the fact that Stonehill will be in my rearview mirror. But what I’ve started to realize is that you don’t leave Stonehill, Stonehill follows you wherever you go. As a senior, I am already starting to see how alums are all connected in the real world, by their common bond of being a Skyhawk. I’m starting to pack away the memories and I am slowly getting ready to carry them with me. And most importantly, I am taking advantage of every opportunity to live life to the fullest in the (less than) 2 months we have left here with the rule: Never sacrifice fun for homework. With a deep breath, and some tears, I’ll be able to leave this place. But in the mean time, I’m taking my time figuring out exactly where I’ll be next year. Because right now, I am here, in the best place on earth. And I cannot forget that.